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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

may you have a good grief, mimie

you may not gonna read this,
but.. i just gonna write it bcoz i feel like to.
As for your concern
yes,I broke up with you.
I mocking you.
and I humiliating myself for hundred times
begging back to you.
all I want that night is you for asking me to stay
just a simple word which you never say whenever I called
 'please stay, I love you' <- this word.
I've called so many times but I just can't say what I want. cause i'm afraid you may laugh at me.
I dunno it is your ego, or u just get sick of me and do not want me anymore or it is just who you are.
what wrong for me being easy?
I never don't take u back after whole damn hurt things you said to me
I never n ever rejecting you if you repent.
I always there for you when you need me.
you must ask why should I? why I do that. cause this is who I am. cause this is a girl who loves you.
I do almost anything for this relationship.
I've tried to understand your boundaries.
I respect your space.
I've learnt the truth about how hard we are to seeing each other often.
I've drive for you. just to spent time with you.
I let you with your games and friends
I respect your concern of our safety that night
even though it is hurting me
cause you ignoring me while I'm standing right in front of you.
I support your interest even if I don't really understand what it is
guess i'm too dumb for you, cause seeing how hard for you to explain what is that all about.
I've tried cause I've known i'm not fit into your 'cool' community.
I've known you've change positively , slowly. you improve. I can see that
I appreciate that. I truly appreciate that.
sy x nak ungkit smue mnde yg sy dh buat purposely so that you can see me better.
its just I need you to know somehow how much I love being with you.
but it won't matter, cause the only thing you can see is, i'm too easy for you to get,
and too easy in every fucking way.
in our entire relationship i've gone going above and beyond for you.
for us. but I still don't feel you need my existence in your life.
you also don't know what is the reason that I should.
I'm just gonna mess up with your life, your study, your freedom.
you may don't wanna know my sad story.
you may don't wanna give shit about my heart cause for you its bullshit.
I'm not trying to tell the whole world how sad I am, how u treat me wrong.
I'm not trying to tell the whole world about how good I am to you.
and how you've done me wrong
i'm not plotting myself in some sort of drama so that everyone can see how sad I am right now.
cause nobody gonna read my blog anyway.
I'm not begging for your mercy or sympathy
empathy maybe, i want that.
yes, i'm the one who mess things up, i'm the one who broke up with you.
finally, you have a reason why you shouldn't want me back.
because i'm the one who end this relationship.
you have the all reason why to blame me, cause i leave you first.
I don't know how we've got here.
at this point. somehow i'm grieving for this.
I don't know if you ever gonna read this.
you may not read this.